perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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