I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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