I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
