It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
