I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
