I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
