Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
