Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
