My room smells like vodka and shame
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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