I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
