The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
