I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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