my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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