U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
