Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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