I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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