the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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