This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
