He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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