mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
