Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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