Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
50% drunk capacity currently
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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