I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
