I'm going to rape someone's good day.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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