Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
My ass is underappreciated
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
