he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
