Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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