Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
