Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
