she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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