If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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