now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
