it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
