yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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