Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
