it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
