Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
should my penis look like a turkey
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
