im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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