What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I know her cup size but not her name....
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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