I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
