I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
