i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
