Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
