i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
