I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
