Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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