Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
