We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
