Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
