It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
DRUNK COOKIES
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