My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Dicks are not precious.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
