someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
