Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
